Oh, the day your youngest flies the nest. It’s like you’re in a feel-good movie—proud tears, a celebratory glass of wine, and a soundtrack of We Are the Champions playing in your head.
But what they don’t tell you is that shortly after, you’ll find yourself standing in the middle of the quietest house you’ve ever experienced, wondering, Now what?
Let me tell you, I’ve been there. The transition from “Mom, where’s my homework?” to “Mom, can I borrow money for rent?” hits differently. And while the freedom is liberating, it’s also unnerving. What do you do when the house no longer smells like burnt toast at 7 a.m. and your calendar isn’t packed with PTA meetings or soccer practices?
You do you, that’s what!
In this post, I’ll share my journey toward self-care and finding fulfillment in midlife, with some tips and a sprinkle of humor to make it all go down like your favorite glass of Pinot.
The Reality of the Empty Nest
Empty nesting is bittersweet. One minute, you’re sobbing into your college-aged kid’s old hoodie, the next, you’re looking up last-minute trips to Tuscany.
When my youngest packed up their ramen stash and mini-fridge for college, I thought, Finally, freedom! But I also found myself pacing in the living room at 10 p.m., wondering if they’d eaten something other than gummy bears that day.
Spoiler: they hadn’t.
It’s okay to feel lost initially. After all, you’ve spent decades being a caregiver, meal-prepper, and, let’s be honest, human search engine (how many times did they ask you where the ketchup was?). But this chapter is about rediscovering you—the person behind the supermom cape.
Step 1: Redefine Your Identity
When the nest empties, so does your schedule. The endless chauffeuring, cooking, and worrying? Gone. So, who are you now?
This is your chance to reintroduce yourself—to yourself. For me, that meant dusting off my old painting supplies and realizing I wasn’t the next Picasso but could at least paint a decent sunflower.
Ask yourself:
- What hobbies have you always wanted to try but never had time for?
- What dreams did you put on hold while raising kids?
- What activities make you feel alive and like yourself again?
For me, yoga classes became my new jam. Granted, my first downward dog looked more like a deflated triangle, but it was mine.
Step 2: Prioritize Self-Care
Self-care during the parenting years often looks like sneaking a chocolate bar in the laundry room. Now, it’s time to level up.
Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths (though those are fabulous). It’s about setting boundaries, saying no to things that drain you, and saying yes to things that light you up.
Here are some ways I embraced self-care:
- Morning Routines: I started my day with journaling and coffee in actual silence. No cartoons blaring in the background—just me, my thoughts, and a ridiculous amount of oat milk foam.
- Regular Exercise: Okay, I don’t run marathons, but I do power walk like my life depends on it. Nothing beats the combination of fresh air and a true-crime podcast.
- Treating Myself: Whether it’s splurging on that fancy skincare serum or finally upgrading your 20-year-old bedspread, treat yourself like the queen you are.
Remember: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s the oxygen mask rule—you can’t help others if you’re running on fumes.
Step 3: Embrace New Adventures
Midlife is the ultimate plot twist. Your kids think you’re going to sit around crocheting all day, but you’re out there ziplining through Costa Rica or learning to salsa dance.
For me, embracing adventure meant saying yes to things outside my comfort zone. I joined a cooking class where I learned how to make ravioli from scratch. Did my first attempt look like little pockets of despair? Yes. But I laughed the whole way through, and now I make a mean pesto.
If big adventures feel overwhelming, start small. Maybe you take a weekend road trip or finally sign up for that book club you’ve been eyeing. The key is to keep exploring and trying new things—it’s like giving your soul a standing ovation.
Step 4: Reconnect with Your Partner (or Yourself)
If you’re married or in a relationship, empty nesting is a chance to reconnect. When the kids are around, it’s all Did you pick up the milk? and Whose turn is it to drive to practice? Once they’re gone, you can actually talk.
For me, date nights with my partner went from Netflix and takeout to candlelit dinners and trips to the theater. Okay, sometimes it’s still Netflix, but now we can watch without interruptions asking, Who’s that actor again?
If you’re flying solo, this is the perfect time to nurture your relationship with yourself. Take yourself out to dinner, dance around the living room to ‘80s hits, or finally start writing that memoir. You’re your own best company.
Step 5: Volunteer or Give Back
One of the most fulfilling things I did after my kids left was volunteer. Giving back to your community not only fills your time but also gives you purpose.
I started mentoring young women at a local nonprofit, and it’s been incredible to share my (sometimes hard-earned) wisdom. There’s nothing like seeing someone light up when they realize their potential.
Consider:
- Volunteering at an animal shelter or food bank
- Becoming a mentor
- Joining a community project or fundraiser
The world needs your gifts, and you’ll find joy in sharing them.
Step 6: Build a New Community
Empty nesting can feel isolating, but it doesn’t have to be. This is your chance to build a new tribe.
I joined a hiking group, where I quickly learned I’m better at enjoying nature from a picnic blanket than scaling hills. But I’ve made incredible friendships and even discovered a shared love for dark chocolate with a fellow hiker.
Whether it’s through classes, meetups, or online communities, finding people who share your interests can make this chapter more vibrant.
A Little Humor Goes a Long Way
Midlife doesn’t have to be serious. I’ve had plenty of moments where I’ve laughed at myself—like the time I tried rollerblading again and ended up on YouTube (thank you, kind teenager with a camera phone).
Embrace the ridiculousness. You’ve earned the right to laugh at life and at yourself.
Final Thoughts
Empty nesting isn’t the end—it’s a brand-new beginning. It’s your time to shine, to rediscover who you are, and to embrace every moment with joy, humor, and a little bit of wine (or tea—your choice).
So here’s to self-care, to finding fulfillment, and to living your best life in midlife. Trust me, the best is yet to come.
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