Turning 40 is a milestone—like crossing a threshold into a whole new world. Suddenly, you’re too young to retire but too old to understand TikTok trends. It’s a time of reflection, reinvention, and—if you’re like me—a lot of “What the heck comes next?”
One thing I’ve learned in this decade of my life is that mindset matters more than ever. Confidence and resilience aren’t just nice-to-haves; they’re the armor we wear to face life’s challenges, big and small. And let’s be honest, life doesn’t exactly slow down after 40.
In this post, I’ll share my personal journey of building confidence and resilience, with practical tips (and a sprinkle of humor) to help you do the same.
Why Confidence and Resilience Matter After 40
At this stage, life has probably thrown a few curveballs your way. Maybe it’s a career pivot, an empty nest, or realizing your metabolism has slowed to a glacial pace. Whatever it is, navigating these changes requires a strong mindset.
Confidence allows us to face new opportunities without the fear of failing, while resilience helps us bounce back when things don’t go as planned. Together, they’re like the dynamic duo of personal growth.
I wasn’t always confident or resilient. In fact, my first post-40 setback had me crying into a tub of ice cream. But over time, I’ve learned how to flip the script—and now, I want to help you do the same.
Step 1: Reframe Your Inner Dialogue
The way you talk to yourself matters. If your inner monologue sounds like a snarky critic (You can’t do that; you’re too old), it’s time to reframe those thoughts.
Here’s how I turned my inner critic into a cheerleader:
- Catch Negative Thoughts: Whenever I noticed a self-defeating thought, I paused and asked, Is this actually true? Spoiler: it usually wasn’t.
- Replace with Positives: Instead of thinking, I’ll never figure this out, I started saying, I’m still learning, and that’s okay.
- Use Affirmations: Yes, I felt silly at first. But repeating phrases like I am capable or I can handle anything worked wonders over time.
The key is to treat yourself with the same kindness you’d show a friend.
Step 2: Embrace a Growth Mindset
I used to think I was “too old” to learn new things. But then I realized that mindset was holding me back more than any actual limitation.
A growth mindset is all about believing you can improve with effort. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being persistent.
Here’s how I cultivated mine:
- Celebrate Effort: Instead of focusing on outcomes, I started celebrating my efforts. For example, if I bombed a presentation but learned something valuable, I considered it a win.
- Stay Curious: I started asking What if? instead of Why bother? This small shift opened the door to new hobbies, skills, and opportunities.
- Learn from Failure: Every mistake became a stepping stone. When I launched a project that flopped, I treated it as feedback, not failure.
Step 3: Build Confidence Through Action
Confidence isn’t something you magically wake up with one day. It’s something you build, one action at a time.
For me, confidence came from doing the things that scared me—like public speaking or starting a side hustle. Were my first attempts perfect? Nope. But each small victory added a brick to my confidence wall.
Start by setting small, achievable goals. Whether it’s trying a new recipe or signing up for a class, taking action is the antidote to self-doubt.
Step 4: Strengthen Your Resilience Muscle
Resilience is like a muscle—you build it by facing challenges and coming out the other side stronger.
Here’s what worked for me:
- Practice Gratitude: Focusing on what’s going right (instead of what’s going wrong) helped me stay grounded.
- Lean on Support: I learned to ask for help when I needed it. Friends, family, and even online communities became my lifelines.
- Keep Perspective: When life felt overwhelming, I reminded myself, This too shall pass.
One of my favorite mantras is: I’ve survived 100% of my worst days so far. It’s simple, but it’s true.
Step 5: Take Care of Your Body and Mind
Confidence and resilience aren’t just mental—they’re physical too. When I started prioritizing my health, I noticed a huge difference in how I felt emotionally.
Here’s what worked for me:
- Exercise: Movement became my therapy. Whether it’s yoga, walking, or dancing in the kitchen, moving your body releases feel-good endorphins.
- Sleep: I stopped treating sleep like a luxury and started treating it like the necessity it is.
- Nutrition: Fueling my body with wholesome food (and the occasional cupcake) helped me feel energized and focused.
Your body is your foundation—take care of it, and everything else becomes easier.
Step 6: Laugh Through the Chaos
Life after 40 isn’t without its absurdities. Like the time I tried to join a Pilates class and got stuck in the reformer machine. Or the moment I realized I’d been wearing my reading glasses upside down all morning.
The ability to laugh at yourself is a superpower. Humor doesn’t just lighten the mood—it reminds you not to take life too seriously.
Step 7: Create a Vision for the Future
One of the most empowering things I did was create a vision for my future. Instead of dwelling on what I’d lost (hello, youthful skin), I focused on what I wanted to gain.
I wrote down my goals—big and small—and took steps toward them every day. Some days it was as simple as Googling “How to start a podcast.” Other days it meant taking bold action, like pitching a new idea to my boss.
Having a vision gave me purpose and direction, even on the hard days.
Step 8: Surround Yourself with Positivity
The people you surround yourself with can either lift you up or drag you down. After 40, I became intentional about my relationships.
I sought out friends who were supportive, encouraging, and (bonus) hilarious. I also limited time with people who drained my energy or fed into negativity.
Your circle matters—choose wisely.
Step 9: Celebrate Your Wins
Midlife is full of victories, big and small. Maybe you started a new hobby, nailed a presentation, or simply made it through a tough week. Whatever it is, take time to celebrate.
For me, celebrations often involve coffee and a treat (because let’s be honest, everything’s better with caffeine and sugar).
Acknowledging your progress boosts confidence and motivates you to keep going.
Final Thoughts
Building confidence and resilience after 40 isn’t about pretending life is perfect. It’s about showing up, doing your best, and laughing at the ridiculous moments along the way.
This chapter of life is a chance to redefine yourself—to grow, learn, and thrive in ways you never imagined.
So take a deep breath, trust the process, and remember: you’re capable of more than you know.
Deb 🙂
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