When my kids were little, I thought parenting would get easier as they grew older. I imagined a future where they’d magically become self-sufficient, thoughtful adults who only called me to say, “Thanks for everything, Mom.” Spoiler alert: That’s not exactly how it works.
Parenting adult children is a whole new ballgame. They may be grown, but they’ll still surprise you with late-night calls, questionable life decisions, and fridge raids during visits. The truth is, your role as a mom doesn’t end—it just evolves.
So, if you’re navigating this stage of motherhood, welcome to the club. Let’s talk about the joys, challenges, and strategies for raising grown children while keeping your sanity intact.
Step 1: Embrace the Shift in Dynamics
First things first: you’re no longer “in charge.” I know, it’s a tough pill to swallow. But when your kids become adults, the dynamic shifts from parent-child to something more like coach-player—or in some cases, referee-wrestler.
For me, this meant learning to bite my tongue when I saw them making choices I wouldn’t make. (Yes, you really are going to spend your entire paycheck on concert tickets? Okay, cool.)
The key is to offer guidance without being overbearing. Trust me, they’ll come to you when they need advice—especially if you’ve created a safe, judgment-free zone.
Step 2: Respect Their Independence
One of the hardest parts of parenting adult kids is letting go of control. They’re making their own decisions now, whether it’s about relationships, careers, or how to load the dishwasher (incorrectly, I might add).
Here’s what I’ve learned:
- Give Space: They need room to grow, even if it means making mistakes.
- Offer Support: Let them know you’re there without smothering them.
- Trust Them: Remember, you raised them well—they’ve got this.
Sometimes, it helps to remind yourself: it’s their life to live, not yours to manage.
Step 3: Communication is Key
When your kids were little, communication was easy. You told them what to do, and they (sometimes) listened. With adult kids, it’s more of a two-way street.
I’ve found that the best conversations happen when I approach them as equals. Instead of saying, “You should do this,” I’ll say, “Have you thought about trying this?” It’s amazing how much more open they are when they feel respected.
Oh, and don’t underestimate the power of texting. Whether it’s a quick “Thinking of you!” or a meme that makes them laugh, small gestures can keep you connected.
Step 4: Set Boundaries
Let’s talk about boundaries—because yes, even moms need them.
When my son moved back home for a while, I quickly realized that we needed ground rules. Who does the grocery shopping? What’s the Wi-Fi password policy? And, most importantly, do I get a heads-up before your friends raid my fridge?
Setting boundaries isn’t about being rigid; it’s about creating a healthy environment for everyone. And trust me, adult kids appreciate clear expectations more than they let on.
Step 5: Be a Cheerleader, Not a Fixer
As moms, our instinct is to fix problems. But when your kids are adults, they need to solve their own. That doesn’t mean you can’t cheer them on—it just means letting them take the lead.
When my daughter called me in tears about a work issue, I resisted the urge to swoop in with solutions. Instead, I listened, offered encouragement, and said, “I know you’ll figure this out.” And guess what? She did.
Being a cheerleader means believing in their ability to handle life’s challenges while standing by with support if they need it.
Step 6: Embrace Their Partners
Ah, the joys of meeting your child’s significant other. Whether you’re overjoyed or quietly skeptical, remember this: if they’re happy, that’s what matters.
When my son introduced me to his girlfriend, I made an effort to welcome her with open arms (and cookies, because who doesn’t love cookies?). Building a positive relationship with your child’s partner can strengthen your bond with them and make family gatherings much more enjoyable.
Step 7: Find Joy in Their Success
Watching your kids thrive is one of the greatest joys of motherhood. Celebrate their milestones, whether it’s a promotion, buying their first home, or finally figuring out how to fold fitted sheets.
Just remember, their definition of success might look different from yours—and that’s okay. The important thing is that they’re happy and fulfilled.
Step 8: Take Care of Yourself
Here’s the thing about raising grown children: it’s not your full-time job anymore. You’ve got time to focus on yourself—your dreams, your hobbies, and your well-being.
For me, that meant taking up painting, joining a book club, and finally going on that girls’ trip to Italy. It’s amazing how much joy you can find when you prioritize your own happiness.
Remember, a happy mom makes for happy kids—no matter their age.
Step 9: Laugh at the Chaos
Parenting adult kids isn’t without its challenges. From late-night calls about lost keys to navigating holiday schedules, there will be moments of chaos. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: laughter makes everything better.
When my daughter showed up with a laundry basket the size of a small car, I jokingly said, “Is this an art installation?” We both laughed, and it made the moment lighter.
Find humor in the ridiculous moments—it’s good for the soul.
Step 10: Celebrate Your Evolving Role
Being a mom to grown children is a gift. Sure, it’s different from raising little ones, but it’s no less meaningful. You get to watch them grow into incredible adults while cheering them on from the sidelines.
So, celebrate this stage of motherhood. Embrace the freedom, the connection, and the moments of pride. You’ve earned it.
Final Thoughts
Parenting doesn’t end when your kids turn 18—it transforms. Raising grown children is about guiding, supporting, and loving them as they navigate adulthood.
It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. So, take a deep breath, trust the journey, and enjoy the ride. After all, being a mom is the best job in the world—even when your “coworkers” are technically adults.
Deb 🙂
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